


pieces of broken hourglass

by rebelkbex (reyanehokkain)



Series: living out of time (eternal heatstroke) [2]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, M/M, spoilers for the events of the interrogation room
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-08 14:18:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17387918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reyanehokkain/pseuds/rebelkbex
Summary: Those text messages haunt him.-Ryuji is still a smart boy, but the universe has a way of punching him in the gut when he least expects it, and this time, the hurt is almost too much.





	pieces of broken hourglass

**Author's Note:**

> Listen, I have written like 3k words in less than 24 hours and that hasn't happened in forever. The discord knows that it's their fault, I've been laying the angst on them all day as a result.
> 
> This is part 2 to "this is my pity party (pity party)", which is set in a universe based around my headcanon that Ryuji isn't the idiot that the game makes him out to be, but he's just playing the part that everyone expects of him.
> 
> Fall Out Boy is also still to blame for this thanks to Bishops Knife Trick existing and contributing to all of my problems.

Those text messages haunt him.

They’re deep into November now, finals are looming, and Ryuji is stuck on those three stupid texts he sent weeks ago. He thought that they would be closure that he needed, that if he got his feelings out there and into the open, he could move on and focus on what was really important.

Instead, the feeling of dread has moved in, curled into his gut like a viper waiting to strike.

The rest of the Thieves give him a wide berth these days, he figures Akira told them what happened. His closest encounter with them has been with Makoto and they were at opposite ends of the hall, her looking at him with something he read as pity. But to be fair to her, he would pity his ass too, seeing as he was the guy dumb enough to fall in love with her boyfriend.

But he can’t shake the feeling of something being wrong, anxiety gnaws at him at like an old dog with a favorite bone, and he finds himself in Mementos more and more, trying to fight it down any way that he can.

And then one night, all of the feelings that he’s been piling up collide together in a spectacular moment that leaves him almost on his knees, with his mouth hanging open and his hands shaking.

“Breaking News, but we have been informed that the young man in custody as the leader of the Phantom Thieves has committed suicide.”

Ryuji isn’t sure how he makes it home after that, he doesn’t remember walking up the stairs to his apartment, he doesn’t remember kissing his mom on the cheek as a greeting, and he most certainly doesn’t remember going to his room, throwing himself on his bed, and screaming all of his rage into his pillow as it finally hits him that Akira is gone and the last thing he ever said to him, were three salty text messages.

\--

He doesn’t go to school the next day.

His mom takes one look at him, takes in his red eyes and the tear tracks and how haggard and worn he is and calls him off without hesitation. He’s so grateful for her in that moment that it gets the tears going again cause it hits him that this is all because Akira is _gone_.

He spends his day in a daze, he thinks he watches the TV and he thinks his mom convinces him to take a shower, but he’s only really certain of his phone in his hand, desperately hoping that this is all a joke and that Akira is going to text him any second and that the pressure in his chest will go away.

But that never happens.

There is no text.

He falls asleep that night clutching his phone, with silent prayers for forgiveness from a dead man on his lips.

\--

Akira attempted to visit him once after their encounter in Mementos.

He was met with Ryuji’s closed front door and silence from the other side.

In his dreams tonight though, Ryuji opens that door and they talk and Akira kisses him and tells him that he loves his and nothing bad happens.

When he wakes, there are more tear tracks on his face and he realizes that he has a new thing to haunt him in all that he left unsaid.

\--

He goes back to school.

He still looks worn and his mom offers to call him off again, but he just smiles at her and tells her that he’ll be ok. Akira wouldn’t have wanted him to put his life on pause for him, so he swallows his pain and heads out the door.

All anyone on the train can talk about is Akira.

More importantly, all they can talk about is his death.

It makes Ryuji want to vomit.

School is the same way.

He purposely avoids looking for Ann or Makoto, afraid that if he sees either of them and doesn’t see Akira with them, he will vomit, or scream, or anything else that will draw unneeded attention to him when all he wants is to disappear into the ground. The teachers must realize that something is wrong with him today, cause none of them call on him, not even to make him look the fool, like they would have in the past. It’s an unasked for blessing, but one he’ll take, since his brain seems to simply be on a repeat of Akira’s name.

\--

When he was on bedrest after Kamoshida, when all he had at his disposal was a pile of psychology books and too much time, he looked up the symptoms of major depression. He wanted to avoid losing himself in a funk, wanted to avoid putting that much more pressure on his mom. But now, as he looks out the window and watches the world around him keep living, like his wasn’t just upended, he thinks that depression could beat him until he was bloody and he wouldn’t care. As long as it gives Akira back to him, it would be worth it.

His hands move before his brain can think better of it, shooting off a text to someone who can no longer answer.

**runny boi [1:18 pm]** : i should’ve opened the door that night

**runny boi [1:19 pm]** : i’m sorry akira

**runny boi [1:20 pm]** : i loved you akira

**runny boi [1:21 pm]** : and i still love you

**runny boi [1:22 pm]** : and i don’t know what to do anymore

He puts his phone away after that, after it occurs to him what he’s doing and how futile it is, and doesn’t see the little seen that pops up under them.

\--

Once the school bell rings, his feet carry him onward, but not towards home.

His feet carry him towards Yongen.

If he were aware, he’d be screaming.

It’s not until he’s at the door of Leblanc, that he realizes what has happened and where he is. He wonders if it’s too late, if he could make a run for it, but instead, Boss opens the door and looks at him and he knows that he’s trapped.

He shuffles in and heads for his usual seat at the counter. Boss, thankfully says nothing, just heads around the other side and starts preparing him a mug of hot cocoa.

(He tries not to think about how Akira insisting on buying that tin of cocoa for when he visited.)

He’s so zoned in on the tin, that he doesn’t see Boss texting, doesn’t see the cocoa placed down in front of him, and doesn’t hear the soft shuffling of feet from above. It’s only Boss clearing his throat and waving a hand in front of his face that gets him back to reality.

“Like I was saying, been a long time since I’ve seen you.” Ryuji looks down at his cocoa at that and feels guilty.

“Yeah, I know. I’m starting to realize that I made a mistake there.” He wraps his hands around his mug and is getting ready to pick it up when he hears a familiar voice behind him.

“Only took 48 hours, I think this means that Mona owes me money.”

To the day he dies, he’ll swear that he doesn’t fall out of his chair.

He doesn’t.

But it doesn’t really matter if he does or doesn’t, cause Akira is standing there, whole, alive, and smiling at Ryuji like he’s the best damn thing that he’s seen in a long time. Ryuji moves, he has to, because next time his brain kicks in, Akira is in his arms and they’re clinging to each other and the world has narrowed down to only them and they don’t even notice that the rest of the Thieves are standing there, watching them.

And Ryuji knows that they’re going to have to talk about a whole lot of things before they’re both ok, but that’s fine, they’ve got the chance to do that now. They’ve got the time that Ryuji thought was lost to them before.

And they’ve already hit rock bottom.

Only way to go from here is up.

\--

Ryuji stays over that night.

He and Akira end up in bed together, still wrapped together. They both seem unwilling to part and that satisfies Ryuji just fine. He’s been living with the reality of Akira being dead for a few days too long and he doesn’t want to let him go if he doesn’t have to.

He’s also afraid that if lets go of Akira, this will all turn out to be a dream.

And that will only hurt him more.

“So wait, you weren’t actually dating Makoto??” Akira laughs and god, it’s the best sound in the world to him.

“Nope. We were being very good at faking it for a friend of hers.” Ryuji thumps his head against Akira’s shoulder.

“I’m an idiot.” Akira runs a hand through Ryuji’s hair and shakes his head as well as he can with Ryuji’s where it is.

“No, you’re not. Honestly, there were times where even I wasn’t sure if it was real or not. I should’ve told you what was going on. It was a dumb secret to keep.” Ryuji looks up at him from his shoulder and thinks that he could kiss this boy right now.

“And I guess you aren’t going to let those texts just slide?” There’s a glint in Akira’s eyes.

“Not a chance. It’s not everyday a cute, smart boy tells you that he’s in love with you after all.” Ryuji groans, but it’s cut off by Akira’s mouth finding his.

Anything else they were going to say dies after that. Cause Ryuji has been wanting this for months and truly, there are no words to describe how wonderful it is. Later though, when Akira finally lets sleep take him, Ryuji stays awake for a little while longer and just watches him, takes a quiet joy in watch his chest rise and fall, takes joy in knowing that this feels like home.

He presses a soft kiss to Akira’s cheek and cuddles down next to him, happy to join him in sleep.

\--

And when the Thieves put Shido on blast for the whole world to see, Skull is right there with them, right where he needs to be.

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on tumblr at bishopsknifetriick or on twitter at twinskelletons


End file.
